i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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