I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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