Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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