i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
