It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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