good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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