i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
