i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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