everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Pooping to opera.
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