Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
