Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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