Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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