I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
