Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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