Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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