Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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