I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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