Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just found puke in my bra..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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