so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
