You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
