I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
