I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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