Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
