Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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