Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
