I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize