It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
