Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
