I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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