so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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