i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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