and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize