Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
