Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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