Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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