yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
