I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
