Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
