ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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