we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
