I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
