honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
