I'm gonna have a badass scar
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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