youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
