I smell stomach acid.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
