i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize