I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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