Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
