"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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