I think my fart just growled at me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
