Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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