I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
