No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
