How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
