He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
