was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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