I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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