lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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