Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
