I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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