So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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