Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
