You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
