worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
