two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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