i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
