Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
