he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
