in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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