yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
