I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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