After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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