Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
