The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need moral support for this bender
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
