In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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