My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
