Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
