OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
