Porn is love you can see.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
