Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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