someone threw a dead crab at me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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