apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
