i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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