about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My vagina is very pro this idea
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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