we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You made out with two different species that night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
