Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
