I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
