she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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