There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize