so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
