dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
