At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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