on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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