But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
