I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
