how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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