She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
