Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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