I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
