Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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