How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
